Category: Spiritual Formation

Belief, Spiritual Formation

Finding my way home

between worlds

One of the things I value about change is the fresh perspective it offers. While there’s great value in knowing one place for a long time, it does tend to get pretty comfortable. There’s not as much impetus to ask why? because you already know, to explore because you’ve been their before, to stretch yourself because there are so many comfortable places.

Obviously, I don’t have near the knowledge of this new place as I did of my old home, so I find myself asking a lot of questions:

Where’s a good beach for kids?  Which grocery store is cheapest?  Where can I buy Sri Lankan food? Why are so many people knocking on my door to convert me?  How do I stay alive on the freeways?  

On top of the daily ins-and-outs, there’s also a lot of asking going on in my heart:

Where’s home? How do I live between worlds here, at the crossroads of the worlds?  Will I ever belong anywhere?  Who can I trust?  What’s the right way to go? How honest can I be without offending?  What habits do I need to unlearn?  and the never-ending question… How do I respond to the pain I see around me?

Jeremiah 6:16 reminds me that my way of asking is all wrong:

This is what the Lord says:
Stand at the crossroads and look;
ask for the ancient paths,
ask where the good way is, and walk in it,
and you will find rest for your souls.”
 

While I want answers, the Lord says to seek direction.  While I look for clear-cut rights and wrongs in conflict, the Lord tells me to seek goodness.  While I hope for a quick-fix, a one-step solution, the Lord wants me to walk faithfully.  One. step. at. a. time.

I know that the details of the daily will eventually fall into place (just as long as I figure out the freeway thing).  The questions of my heart, however, need time to walk the ancient paths, to find the good way.  Today, I’m grateful that this change of home provides a undeniable opportunity to remind me to ask the questions that lead me there.

Culture & Race, Spiritual Formation

What’s saving me right now

between worlds

Catching up on beautiful blogger Fiona Lynn pointed me to Sarah Bessey’s synchroblog on what is, as she puts it, ‘saving my life right now’.  I’m a little late to join the conversation, but since I’m looking for ways to process all the newness in my life, this seemed like good practice.  So, here goes.

These days, the crossroads of my life meet in a city of nearly 18 million people, and I hardly know a soul here. It’s a funny juxtaposition, really.  I just left a town of 2,000 where it was hard to go to the gas station without seeing someone you knew.  I’m actually mostly excited about this change in reality, but let me tell you, it’s a big one.

When I hear people speak of community and relationship and authenticity, I am at a loss for words.  This will not be my story for some time.  On top of that, relationships don’t seem to be my strong suit.  I can be honest, but I’m not very good at trusting people, especially when I don’t know them.  I love my husband, my kids, but I even have to  remind myself to pay attention to them.  It just doesn’t come naturally to me.

Strangely enough, I find myself jealous of women who trust other women, who find a home in the arms of sisters. I do have them – sisters – they’re just never close enough to touch.

  1. There’s my dear college roommate on the East coast, who walks her days out in honesty and brokenness. She leans fiercely into the hard stories that many of us would prefer to ignore. Continue reading “What’s saving me right now” →
Families, Children & Marriage, Spiritual Formation

Where is the good in good-bye?

between worlds

Just a few more days, and a whole new life begins for us. The boxes are piled high. The goodbyes are pouring in.  It’s bittersweet – change always is.  Bitter for the loss of the daily sharing of lives with people who have become cherished friends, for family who will now be far beyond a car ride away, for cornfield sunsets and quiet roads.  Sweet for the adventure that is to come, for the new experiences that will shape our hearts and stretch our souls, for the miracles of our needs being met, for the little house nestled snugly between the mountains and the sea.

At a good-bye party the other night, a friend gave me some great words on goodbyes.  Quoting the Music Man – where is the good in goodbye? – she reflected that even though goodbyes can be sad and hard, there is still good within them.  It was so touching, I wanted to share it with others who face their own good-byes.

So where is the good in goodbye?

The good is in claiming new territory, moving beyond either of your homelands to stake claim on the left coast where diversity is normalcy (hallelujah) and where you may be the conservative ones!

The good is in the not knowing and the uncertainty. In losing control of all the details for awhile, you’ll have to lean more fully on God.  That’s always good.

The good is in your new locale.  God proclaimed everything good at creation, and no doubt he was especially proud of his work on sunny, southern California. Continue reading “Where is the good in good-bye?” →

Miscellany, Spiritual Formation

On nearing the end of this road

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I’m big on seeking closure in transitions, and have been pondering for a few months how to start this process for our upcoming move to the other end of the country.  We’ve lived in our current town for 8 years, so we have much to say good-bye to…  Living between worlds requires good-byes, a fact with which we are well acquainted. So, as the mood strikes, I plan to do my own little series of ‘closure poetry’, and will post some of it here, to share with the rest of you who also know good-byes well.

On nearing the end of this road
 
Been waiting for this moment
for what seems like an eternity.
And now that it’s pressing close,
I wanna bottle up the moments
        of happy dandelions and fresh fields
        of bright-starred skies and lonely trees
        of quiet streets and nosy neighbors
and take them along
as a reminder of the beauty
in the days here.
These things do not await us
where we go. 
All will be new there –
crowds and cars,
action and noise.
 
Funny
how a difficult journey
morphs
into a sweet memory
one slow step at a time.
Belief, Families, Children & Marriage, Spiritual Formation

For my children on their baptism

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http://mattstone.blogs.com/photos/baptism_art/baptism1.jpg
 
Bless the Lord who forgives all our sins;
His mercy endures forever.
 
“You are sealed by the Holy Spirit in Baptism and marked as Christ’s own forever,” Father Jim announced as he made the sign of the cross on your forehead.  This sacred moment – a pause in time when Christ marks you as his own – is part of your journey.  It is certainly not the end, but merely the beginning, that I long for you to travel your whole life long.
 

Though I cannot promise you it will be a simple path, I can attest mightily to its richness and depth.  For in every failure, there is forgiveness, in every brokenness – healing, and in every sorrow – restoration. It will surely not appear in the ways you expect, nor as easily as you hope, but as you walk in Christ’s way, it will come, steadfast and sure.

And we prayed for you[i], this:

 Heavenly Father,
we thank you that by water and the Holy Spirit
you have bestowed upon these your servants the forgiveness of sin,
and have raised them to the new life of grace.
 
Sustain them, 
O Lord, in your Holy Spirit.
Give them an inquiring and discerning heart,
the courage to will and to persevere,
a spirit to know and to love you,
and the gift of joy and wonder in all your works.
.

So many symbols and words that you do not yet understand.  But the simplicity of Christ’s love you see clearly – that he loves you with a greater fierceness than even your mama, and he gently waits for you to come to him for this love.  You are his forever child, cherished and beloved, and it is this love to which you respond.

How this mama loves your little souls –  full of so much wonder, joy, life.  How I both anticipate and fear watching this prayer fulfilled in your lives.  As each generation discovers anew, there will be great need for you to inquire, to discern, to be courageous, to persevere.  Much of this I hope you might learn from me, however, some of it I concede you will not.  As you know well enough already, a perfect mama I am not. Continue reading “For my children on their baptism” →

Spiritual Formation

Character building in times of transition

between worlds

“Remind me each day that the race is not always to the swift; that there is more to life than increasing its speed.  Let me look upward into the towering oak and know that it grew great and strong because it grew slowly and well.”  – Orin Crain

Life can move so fast that sometimes it’s hard to actually slow down and ponder the decisions we make. Over the years, I’ve learned to slow down in times of decision to listen for the next step.  This is one of my favorite ‘go-to’ checkpoints by my favorite author Jan Johnson when we’re in the midst of making decisions…  I’ve found it helpful so many times over the years as we’ve made decisions.  I use it as a guide to gauge my wisdom, foolishness, and resilience.

Wise Risk Takers

Foolish Risk Takers
Float ‘trial balloons’ Easily distracted, unfocused or confused
Investigate long-range probabilities Think in details, misses big picture
Improvise easily – thinks on feet, trusts instincts Overthink/overtalk goals as a way of eliciting ‘don’t do it’ advice from others
Manage fear and indecision Want guaranteed outcome
Say no to short term gain to win long-term advantage Fear trying/hearing new ideas
Take high risks after close scrutiny of consequences and variables Easily discouraged, finds delays depressing
Tolerate delay Pass the buck, avoids accountability
Use error as feedback Need dominant experts or authority figures to give advice
Keep playing with solutions
Prefer own answers yet remains open to input, a natural ‘explorer’

Resilient people:

  • Are able to identify feelings
  • Apply what is learned in a positive way
  • Believe life is a process of growth rather than stagnation (or getting stuck)
  • Can vent painful feelings
  • Are flexible
  • Are hopeful
  • Are optimistic
  • Refuse to give up
  • Take things in stride
  • Search for meaning in experiences
  • View change as a positive thing
  • Are willing to work through even the most difficult events
From Living a Purpose-full Life by Jan Johnson, 1999.
Belief, Spiritual Formation

Grace, wine, and smelly men

between worlds

Kneeling between the old-lady-in-a-matching-sweater set and the man-whose-scent-packs-quite-the-punch, the sweet message of the wine-soaked wafer melted in my mouth.

The body of Christ,

The bread of heaven,

The rector said as he handed me a wafer. What were we all doing there, I wondered, this motley bunch of us?  What brings us to kneel like that, to posture our bodies in humility and quietness?

I fashion myself somewhat ‘put together’.  I have a career, clean my house, take regular showers, love my family.  I catch myself reasoning that these qualities qualify me for a place at the altar over my currently-kneeling-neighbors. My ‘togetherness’ allows me to feel deserving of my place.

In contrast, I examine the old lady, and while her sweater sets are remarkably coordinated, she’s, well, old.  And I’m fairly certain that the smelly man has a few more issues than just lack of shower.  I found myself wondering how such a variety of individuals ended up elbow-to-elbow in prayer, and why anyone but me deserves to be there [reader, kindly note that I’d much prefer to leave this thought sitting subconsciously in my head…].

The body of Christ. 

The bread of heaven.

When I return to my seat, Grace, a sweet woman who has trouble with mental stability, passes my pew.  I catch her eye. Continue reading “Grace, wine, and smelly men” →

Belief, Spiritual Formation

Prayer to protect the church

between worlds

O God, you are the fountain of all truth; we ask you to protect your church from all false teaching.

Protect the Church from all teaching and preaching which would destroy men’s faith; from all that removes the old foundations without putting anything in their place; from all that confuses the simple, that perplexes the seeker, that bewilders the way-faring man.

And yet at the same time protect the church from the failure to face new truth; from devotion to words and ideas which the passing of years has rendered unintelligible; from all intellectual cowardice and from all mental lethargy and sloth.

O God, send to your Church teachers, whose minds are wise with wisdom; whose hearts are warm with love; whose lips are eloquent with truth.

Send to your Church teachers whose desire is to build and not to destroy; who are adventurous with the wise, and yet gentle with the simple; who strenuously exercise the intellect, and yet remember that the heart has reasons of its own.

Give to your Church preachers and teachers who can make known the Lord Christ to others because they know him themselves;  and give to your Church hearers, who, being freed from prejudice, will follow truth as the blind long for light. 

This we ask through Jesus Christ our Lord.  Amen.

From Prayers for the Christian Year by William Barclay

Spiritual Formation

What happens to a dream deferred?

between worlds

Does it dry up
like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore–
And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over–
like a syrupy sweet?

Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load.

Or does it explode?

-Langston Hughes, 1951

Over time, we’ve had a lot of dreams fade.  Life’s details presented us with the reality that certain longings would lead us to destruction, and that another path was wiser.  As we’ve grown through such times, we’re not necessarily discouraged, just disappointed.  It’s happened enough times in our life that we instinctively know we will still be ok.  Plenty of dreams remain alive – just not ‘the-big-one-we-always-hoped-and-planned-for’.  We have plenty of small dreams:  for our children, our students, our families, our friends, our marriage, ourselves, our careers.  Continue reading “What happens to a dream deferred?” →

Spiritual Formation

Dreams, readjusted.

between worlds

If I had my druthers, I would have picked a really cool place to live – you know, like New York City, Seattle, or at least Chicago.  Then, when I met people from my past and they asked where I lived, I could suavely reply, “New York,” to be inevitably met by an impressive, “Wow.”

I also would have picked a really cool job – like resettling refugees, working in a soup kitchen, being an artist, or something a bit ‘edgy’ like that.  Then, when I met new people and they asked what I did, I could respond (with all humility, of course), “Oh, I work in a homeless shelter,” to be met by an even bigger “Wow.”

Then, surely I would be able to saunter down the street in my funky attire and be known as someone who ‘does something worthwhile’.  I also am a bit partial to being known as ‘one tough cookie’, but that doesn’t sound nearly as humble.

But, alas, the plan didn’t work.

I live in rural Indiana, drive my kids around in a mini-van, and teach part time at a Christian college – none of which have ever made my ‘cool’ list.  I used to live in Washington,, DC, where my husband and I enjoyed spending warm afternoons on the National Mall or hiking around the Potomac River.  When I first moved to Indiana, I desperately missed the ‘coolness’ factor of being able to tell far away friends that I’d walked by the White House or attended a peaceful protest/prayer walk past the International Monetary Fund, World Bank, and Capital Building.  I mean, it doesn’t pack near the punch to say that you drove by a barn/tractor/cornfield or attended a hymn sing at church on Sunday night.  While cornfields in early summer are indeed a sight to behold, they simply lack the impressive aura of the Atlantic coast or the inspiring beauty of the Smokey Mountains.

Everything here is just quieter.

Instead of car horns and sirens, there are birdsongs and rustling branches.  Our only version of a traffic jam is getting stuck behind a tractor on a country road, and stop signs are relevant only when a police car is present (because there are rarely other cars at intersections).  If you don’t count my neighbor who tests the engine on his race car every day in the summer, life around here is a gentle conversation between two old ladies on a front porch.

I don’t mean to insinuate anything about the folks who actually live in these places or do my definition of ‘cool’ things.  I know many of them, and the ones who have settled into these vocations maintain a humility and passion that extends far beyond my egotistical motivations to do such work.  It’s more about the gap between my own expectations of what meaningful life would look like, and what meaningful life actually is.

My evangelical brothers and sisters would speak of the grace and truth of Christ as the most meaningful component of their lives.  My liturgical brothers and sisters would highlight the mystery and majesty of God.  My charismatic siblings would claim joy and redemption.  I’m glad they’re all spot-on in their own ways, but also like to think the tangible ways meaning shows up, especially on a day like today (MLK day).

  • Brave people – this week highlighted several of them for me.  First, 37-year-old father, husband, brother, friend, actor lost his 3 month battle with an aggressive form of colon cancer this week.  His friends gathered round to hold him up while he walked toward the world where dying is no more.  Second, some friends of friends who are missionaries in Haiti.  In the midst of surreal tragedy, a mother packed up five of her 7 children and sent them to safety in the States while she stayed to start clinics for the injured.  And that’s not even to mention Martin Luther King Jr. and the faithful who carry his dream forward.
  • Listening people – With my husband in his second year of a PhD program, this is our “long year” where we’re tying a bunch of knots and holding on for dear life.  Over some tasty burritos last night, our weary souls were soothed by the listening ears and compassionate hearts of dear friends.
  • Veiled beauty – even in spite of fog smothering our area for four days straight, I caught glimpse of a beautiful tree while driving home the other day.  I wanted to take a picture, but didn’t, and the image has lingered in my mind since.  Thankfully, lots of other people think things like this are pretty too, and I found some great photos online just like the scene I saw.  Somehow, it reminds me of the aforementioned Brave People.
  • Quietness – being a holiday, the kids and I are off and home relaxing.  The kids are busy imagining some great quest, and in my own little quiet space, I’m grateful to ponder everyone else’s great quests, including my own, unexpected as it may be.  Sometimes, even though they can grow a bit repetitive, the quietness of these cornfields is terribly good for my soul.

We don’t yet see things clearly. We’re squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won’t be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We’ll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us!  But for right now, until that completeness, we have three things to do to lead us toward that consummation: Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly.

1 Corinthians 13:12-13 (The Message)

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Spiritual Formation

A New Way of Struggling

between worlds

Read this poem this morning in “A Guide to Prayer for Ministers and Other Servants“.  Thought I’d share:

To struggle used to be

To grab with both hands

and shake

and twist

and turn

and push

and shove and not give in

But wrest an answer from it all

As Jacob did a blessing.

But there is another way

To struggle with an issue, a question –

Simply to jump

off

into the abyss

and find ourselves

floating

falling

tumbling

being led

slowly and gently

but surely

to the answers God has for us –

to watch the answers unfold

before our eyes and still

to be a part of the unfolding

But, oh! The trust

Necessary for this new way!

Not to be always reaching out

For the old hand-holds.

-From “A New Way of Struggling” by Susan W.N. Ruach

To struggle used to be

To grab with both hands

And shake

And twist

and turn

and push

and shove and not give in

But wrest an answer from it all

As Jacob did a blessing.

But there is another way

To struggle with an issue, a question –

Simply to jump

off

into the abyss

and find ourselves

floating

falling

tumbling

being led

slowly and gently

but surely

to the answers God has for us –

to watch the answers unfold

before our eyes and still

to be a part of the unfolding

But, oh! The trust

Necessary for this new way!

Not to be always reaching out

For the old hand-holds.

-Fro “A New Way of Struggling” by Susan W.N. Ruach

Spiritual Formation

Consumerism and middle ground

between worlds

1678496121_7720501fcbOn a recent post discussing multiracial dolls, the discussion turned toward consumerism and what we teach our children through our purchases for them. In light of the coming holiday season, it feels like a particularly pertinent issue. Kathy Khang’s comment got me thinking:

“I’m not sure where the middle is. When you find it, please blog about its whereabouts. The very fact that we here in America can sit around and discuss the moral pros and cons of buying a doll speaks volumes, never mind the actual cost of said hypothetical doll purchase. It is not an easy call. Just because I choose not to buy the $100 doll or coat or whatever doesn’t necessarily mean I’ve taught my children anything. I’ve found explaining our choices – big and small – in ways that connect with them has gone a long way. And there is the delicate balance of need and want, again a privilege for some of us.

Some tough questions, particularly for those of us living in middle class America! Now, in the spirit of total disclosure, I admit that I have absolutely no idea where the middle is. One of the great advantages of being in an intercultural marriage is that I have daily opportunity to discuss these questions with someone who has had intimate views of life in the developing world. Whereas I may view a $100 doll as a wise investment, to be cherished and taken care of for life, my husband can see it as completely unnecessary because some children never even have toys. For us, the middle is still nebulous, but we work to find a middle ground. This year, it’s a $25 knock-off (probably made in a sweatshop…can you ever win?) doll. Continue reading “Consumerism and middle ground” →

Books, Spiritual Formation

BOOK REVIEW: Sacred Chaos by Tricia McCary Rhodes

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(In addition to cross-cultural relationships, another side interest of mine is spiritual formation. I wrote this for some other sites and thought I’d include it here.)

By Tricia McCary Rhodes, 2008. Intervarsity Press.

While I’m an enthusiastic fan of the spiritual formation movement, one of my hang-ups with it is the lack of space in my life to implement practices like silent retreats or prolonged times of contemplation and meditation. It’s not that I don’t long for such times. It’s just that, with two small children, a job, marriage, and household to manage, there is hardly enough concentrated space in my day to use the bathroom alone, let alone carve out extended quality time to spend with God. I might catch a half-hearted 15 to 20 minute quiet time once or twice a week, and then spend the other days feeling guilty that I didn’t stop to read my Bible or say a prayer longer than two or three sentences.

Such is the background on why a book entitled Sacred Chaos: Spiritual Disciplines for the Life You Have caught my eye. In the first few pages, Tricia Rhodes relieved a good portion of my guilt explaining the blur of her own life, and how she would wearily attempt to read her Bible and end up falling asleep. She tells how God orchestrated inevitable chaos in her daily routine in order to take her out of her comfort zone. “He was drawing me into new territory, expanding my borders by exposing my tendency to be far too focused on hours set aside for prayer as the barometer of my relationship with him,” she writes. “What I experienced in ways I’d never imagined was God entering the fray, injecting my busyness wit respites of peace in his presence, punctuating my chaos with the stunning sense that he was drawn near.” Continue reading “BOOK REVIEW: Sacred Chaos by Tricia McCary Rhodes” →

Spiritual Formation

Blazing the global trail: Alone on the road?

between worlds

Being in an intercultural marriage often leaves me feeling like a bit of a pioneer – I’m the first in my family blazing this trail, and there’s a lot I’m learning by simple trial and error. One of my struggles has been how to communicate my passion for cross-cultural partnership with those who do not share this vision. In my younger years, I often grew angry and judgmental of those who did not share my “enlightened”, global perspective.
When I lived outside of Washington, DC, where one strip mall boasted stores from multiple continents, there was no short supply of global perspective. However, returning to my Midwestern roots in Indiana has been much more challenging in this regard. Hoosiers (Indiana natives) often deeply cherish their rural roots. While this positively nurtures a deep sense of community, it can also unknowingly encourage an insular, nervous reaction toward different people, places, and perspectives.

My initial reaction was to bemoan this trait. The longer I live here, though, I am beginning to understand how the passions God gives individuals help us remind each other of His character. I know individuals with a passion for the beauty of classical music, the compassion of listening well, the intricacy of nature, the selflessness in caring for the poor, the generosity of service to others. My own giftings in these areas are weak, and from rubbing shoulders repeatedly with such individuals, I learn better how to live.

I recently heard a story about a family who had just returned home with their newborn son. Their three-year-old daughter was insistent on talking to her new sibling in his room, alone, with the door shut. The parents were understandably hesitant, but the little girl was so insistent that they relented, realizing that they could monitor her through the intercom system and intervene if necessary.

Listening curiously, the parents heard the little girl enter her brother’s room, shut the door, walk to the crib and whisper, “Can you tell me what God’s like?” she paused. “I’ve almost forgotten.”

Being a mother of such children so fresh from God, this story staggers me.

What is God like, and how much have we forgotten? 

I believe He reminds us of the things we once knew through the unique passions He distributes to his children – nurturing tenderness as a loving mother; expressing passion as defenders of justice; seeking wisdom like a teacher; discovering previously known truths through science; and, for me, relishing in the remarkable diversity of people and cultures He has created.

May God grant us the humility to offer our own passion as a reminder of the depths and diversity of His beauty, and to seek glimpses of what we’ve forgotten as we share with each other.