Author: between worlds

Families, Children & Marriage, Miscellany, Women

Back to work…

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and so it is that the slow summer days have come to an end, when we all return to the much faster pace of the school year. my summer was full and rich – swimming pools, lazy days, lots of books, long conversations and short to-do lists.

Returning to school involves a whole different energy level. Though I do get tired, I find that the emotional energy it takes to shift back into our respective worlds is the heaviest.  Kate Daniels sums up my conflicted feelings about the whole transition in her poem below – loving work, quietness, contemplation, yet pulled by those precious little ones toward a much noisier existence.

In My Office at Bennington
 
Mornings, I sit by the open window
in the red barn, reading poems
and quietly thinking.  Coffee idles
in a cracked blue mug, and bees burst
in and out of the unscreened window.  At last, a poem seems possible
again – brain knitting a scarf
of thought, purling it into words.
 
Metaphors emerge after long seclusion –
a green crocus, crusted with dirt, thrusts
through the rotten fabric of an ailing lawn
late in February.  The season is almost
over, or it’s not, in fact, begun. 
 
But then I hear the voices of my children
returning from a meal, hiking up the hill
from camp.  Or the plastic wheels of Janey’s
carriage clattering in gravel.
The cheerful firstborn’s off-key whistle,
airy through the gap in new front teeth
 
and I’m paper torn in half,
 
the poem that didn’t work,
the wrong words, sour sounds,
ruptured rhythms, the confusion
as to what was meant, what I actually
desired besides those three small faces
raised to my open window, calling
my name over and over, Mama?

 

Daniels, K. (2001).  In my office at Bennington.  In M. K. DeShazer (Ed.), The Longman anthology of women’s literature (pp. 872-873). New York: Longman.

Culture & Race, Restoration & Reconciliation

Diversity’s Symphony

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I’m a growing fan of spoken verse poetry (thanks to Sarah Kay) and just found this great video by David Bowden on the call to unity amidst all types of diversity within the church.  An excerpt:

“I was taught that Jesus died for the sins of humanity,
that his cross would demolish all hints of inequality,
that he cried out for unity in his last prayer at Gethsemane,
and that this infallible book would bring all believers to harmony.
But across the street were the Nazerenes,
and two blocks down were the Catholics,
and a mile north a church called Community
and east of that were more Baptists.
I had this uncalloused thought
that if we couldn’t have fellowship with those in other fellowships
who were taught a little different
than at least we could at least befriend the Baptists
who were baptized for the same reasons
and under the same creeds and because of the same tree.
But these Baptists weren’t like the Baptists in all baptistry,
washing away their sin, for though these baptists shared our beliefs,
they did not share our skin. “
 
Most haunting is his question: “How did we get so far off from the truth that now a poor, dark-skinned, unattractive, isreali-jew would have better luck dying for our sins than fitting in on our pews?”

I wonder that too.

Culture & Race

Research shows interracial marriages increasing in the US

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A recent study by the Pew Research center shows that interracial marriages are on the rise in the US.  According to the study, currently 1 in 7 marriages is interracial, with 9% of whites, 16% of blacks, 26% of Hispanics and 31% of Asians marrying interracially.  I think is says something sad about the majority that whites are the smallest group in the mix, however, there is slight hope because while rates among Asians and Hispanics have stayed about the same since 1980, rates of interracial marriage for whites have doubled, and for blacks have tripled.

What did you find interesting about this study?  Did anything surprise you?

Miscellany

Adventures in a cornfield?

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And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time. 
– T.S. Eliott
 

This is an oldie favorite quote of mine because it cuts so close to my heart and experience.  There were going to be so many dreams, ideas, adventures, and then we ended up here.  So I moaned and groaned about the loss of adventure (still do some days!), and then I read this:

The Baab sisters of the Ebenezer orphanage were ready and willing to [raise the baby well], but time has a way of leading a person along a crooked path.  Sometimes the path is hard to hold to and people fall off along the way. They curse the road for its steep grades and muddy ruts and settle themselves in hinterlands of thorn and sorrow, never knowing or dreaming that the road meant all along to lead them home.  Some call that road a tragedy and lose themselves along it.  Others, those that see it home, call it an adventure.” – A.S. Peterson, The Fiddler’s Gun

Perhaps these cornfields are really an adventure after all?

Are there adventures you intended to have and instead, find yourself elsewhere?  How do you see the road you’re on?

Belief

The Chaos of God

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I wrote this about 5 years ago on an airplane…  It came to mind again after reading God behaving badly and because of an upcoming airplane trip where I got to meet a virtual friend face to face!!!

From 30,000 feet above the earth, I cannot help but notice the human need for order.  Roads extend in every direction.  Houses neatly line neighborhood streets.  Fields are partitioned into angled squares.  Everything made by human hands stands out from the world around it, distinguished by its carefully plotted construction and development.

Yet in the midst of this human-created order, I am struck by the seeming chaos of the God-created nature surrounding it.  Roads stretch for miles in perfectly straight lines while rivers twist and wind and curve.  Buildings sit at 90-degree angles to each other while mountains ascend and descend without prediction.  Cornfields boast straight rows of neatly planted crops while forests sprawl in every direction the wind blows.  Seashores cradle the curves of land while swimming pools sharply square off backyards.

Here in this airplane, I find myself attempting to create some of this order within my own heart.  I am returning to my hometown because a lifelong friend’s father has just died.  His death was neither neat nor ordered.  The intricate order of the medical world could not conquer the chaos of his body.  He suffered greatly.  He left a young wife with three children.  They were like my own family, and I returned for a moment to weep and share at least one of these chaotic days with them.  The questions surge.  Why a fatherless child?  Why such deep disappointment?  Why more chaos?

As I grasp for answers to my questions, I notice that up here in the clouds, chaos looks different than it does down there.  As humans, we create neat replication after neat replication.  Houses.  Roads.  Swimming pools.  Cornfields.  They have straight lines, neat angles, and smooth surfaces.  To be considered valuable, they must not be broken, or have holes, or be damaged in any way.  We mass produce them, then use them to help tame the chaos around us.  In a word, we choose to call these replications “order”.

Long before our own replications, God created us.  Along with us, he made his own replications.  Winding rivers.  Jagged mountains.  Shadowy forests.  Raging winds.  Endless seas.  They have crooked lines, uneven angles, bumpy surfaces.  To be considered valuable, they were simply created.  They live through brokenness, holes, and severe damage.  Sometimes they die, but are always recreated anew.  In a word, God chose to call His replications “good”.

Indeed, human creations pale in comparison to His, and if we ourselves tried to apply His rules of creation to our own, we would most likely end up calling it “chaos”.  We don’t necessarily see it as such when we look at a tree or mountain, but all of the elements lie right in front of us.  We easily recognize that nature’s chaos is capable of creating immeasurable beauty.  Why, then, is it so difficult to see the possibility of the beauty of the chaos in our own lives?

So seems life today.  God’s rules of order starkly contrast with my understanding of them.  What I perceive as chaos, He purposes to be order.  A life cut short is also the opening of a closed heart.  Deep disappointment is also hope in growth.  A father dying is also a child returning home.

With our straight roads and cookie cutter neighborhoods, we have subtly fooled ourselves to believe that “human-order” itself can straighten out the chaos.  And yet, as the depth of human need rages, nature reminds us minutely that our understanding of order is all messed up.  It reminds us that power is completely out of our hands and that our sole job is to experience the creativity of the chaos, not straighten out the lines.

Related Posts

Belief, Books, Culture & Race

BOOK REVIEW: God behaving badly: Is the God of the Old Testament angry, sexist and racist?

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While I’m deeply grateful to have had spiritual influences in my life who encouraged me to wrestle with tough questions of faith, I’ve still encountered plenty of voices along the way who have preferred to silence them.  Avoiding difficult questions about the Bible seems to be a sad reality of evangelical Christianity these days, and I’m often drawn to those willing to walk this path (see sidebars).  So clearly, when I saw David Lamb’s new book, God behaving badly: Is the God of the Old Testament angry, sexist, and racist?, I was intrigued.

The book’s chapters cover the following topics:

  • Angry or loving?
  • Sexist or affirming?
  • Racist or hospitable?
  • Violent or peaceful?
  • Legalistic or gracious?
  • Rigid or flexible?
  • Distant or near?

With clarity, candidness, and humor, Old Testament (OT) theologian David Lamb makes his case that while Yahweh’s actions often sound angry, sexist, or violent to modern day ears, we must first consider the context of Yahweh’s actions and the overarching narrative of the OT before assuming we know His true motives. Continue reading “BOOK REVIEW: God behaving badly: Is the God of the Old Testament angry, sexist and racist?” →

Belief, Restoration & Reconciliation

The Crippled Beggar (Acts 3)

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ironically,
your warped body begged by day
at a gate called Beautiful –
something you were not. 
 
most people at the courts
looked through you –
never at,
for fear of ruining the Gate’s name.
but they looked –
the disciples of One
to whom “beautiful” meant
more than straight anklebones.
 
and then you
walked,
skipped,
leapt,
twirled,
danced,
and probably cried
at the beauty
of moving
for the
very
first
time
in your life.
 
Families, Children & Marriage

What if culture catches you by surprise?

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My heart is aching a bit because a friend just shared with me a story of another friend who is in an intercultural marriage but didn’t realize it before hand (think: third culture kids), and is now feeling stuck and confused, not knowing how to sort out the reality of being from two different worlds.  It’s one thing to suspect (let’s face it, nobody ever really knows) what you’re getting into ahead of time, but it’s another thing to be completely blindsided and trying to sort out differences in cultural expectations as husbands, wives, parents, in-laws, professionals.

Anybody out there sorted through these types of conflicts?  What’s worked for you?  What hasn’t?

Families, Children & Marriage

Dealing with outside stressors in interracial marriage

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While we still face a fair amount of isolation, stares and discomfort being an interracial couple in a monocultural, rural, historically racist area (the last public lynching in America was 20 minutes from our home), I’m also keenly aware of the height of opposition that interracial couples before us have faced – legal prohibition, public opposition, even violence.  When the stress of our locale heightens, I often find myself wondering exactly how couples before us fared in the midst of much more overt actions. I admire their courage yet am curious about their fear.  Surely the opposition was hard on them.

A few things we do that help:

1.  We ‘get out’.  We can get to a city in an hour (though the current gas prices are making that more challenging!).  It’s always surprising to me how much I relax when I see other interracial families.  Living in an area where there are few sometimes I unconsciously start to think that our family is wrong – too complicated and too complex to be successful.  Just seeing other people doing it gives me hope.

2.  We talk.  Stuffing our feelings doesn’t help, so there are times when we just vent to each other.  Our ultimate goal still remains to love the people around us, but this doesn’t negate the fact that sometimes its hard to live with them.  We also learned last fall that it helps to combine step 1 & 2 by getting out AND talking to others at a conference on Christianity and diversity.  There, we are able to process some of our feelings in a safe environment with people who just ‘got it.’  It is incredibly refreshing to know you’re not alone.

3.  We read.  Blogging has been a helpful way for me to be reminded that their are others in this boat – to hear their stories, share their trimumphs and frustrations, and to glean from their wisdom.  There’s also a whole pile of books that speak into our lives.

If you’re in a relationship that faces adversity – whether from family or society – how does it affect you?  What are  ways you deal with negative or uncomfortable reactions to your relationship?  While some may have thick skin (ours is thickening), we do still feel and simply can’t always turn off our emotions.

Belief, Spiritual Formation

Prayer to protect the church

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O God, you are the fountain of all truth; we ask you to protect your church from all false teaching.

Protect the Church from all teaching and preaching which would destroy men’s faith; from all that removes the old foundations without putting anything in their place; from all that confuses the simple, that perplexes the seeker, that bewilders the way-faring man.

And yet at the same time protect the church from the failure to face new truth; from devotion to words and ideas which the passing of years has rendered unintelligible; from all intellectual cowardice and from all mental lethargy and sloth.

O God, send to your Church teachers, whose minds are wise with wisdom; whose hearts are warm with love; whose lips are eloquent with truth.

Send to your Church teachers whose desire is to build and not to destroy; who are adventurous with the wise, and yet gentle with the simple; who strenuously exercise the intellect, and yet remember that the heart has reasons of its own.

Give to your Church preachers and teachers who can make known the Lord Christ to others because they know him themselves;  and give to your Church hearers, who, being freed from prejudice, will follow truth as the blind long for light. 

This we ask through Jesus Christ our Lord.  Amen.

From Prayers for the Christian Year by William Barclay

Books

Building a strong intercultural relationship

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From Joel Crohn’s Mixed Matches (1995), another great book on intercultural marriage:

Mixed matches are more complicated relationships than those between people from similar backgrounds.  As much as we would like to believe that “people are just people” or that “love conquers all,” every layer of difference introduced into a relationship adds more complexity and new challenges.  Differences in cultural and family styles may be fascinating, but they are also alien.  Those traits that initially seem so attractive can ultimately lie at the roots of the most difficult problems… These … don’t mean that mixed matches are doomed to unhappiness.  Millions of families around the world can testify to the possibility of finding satisfying answers to the questions raised by cross-cultural relationships.  But as in all complex and worthwhile enterprises, the most successful people tend to be those who are willing to face the issues at hand and work on them.  Couples who develop the skills to deal with the personal, interpersonal, and social issues that are part of being in a mixed match are the most likely to find ways to use their differences to build strong and rewarding relationships.

I think this statement hits home because, in spite of the strength of our own cross-cultural skills, it is our willingness to “deal with the personal, interpersonal, and social issues” that we face that has been most valuable in our relationship.  The fact that we’re both communicators and processors helps us to build bridges to each other when we feel far apart.

What about you?  What speaks to you in these words? 

Books, Families, Children & Marriage

Get a free intercultural children’s e-book

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My eyes are always peeled for good intercultural children’s books.  After we returned from Sri Lanka one year, I wrote a book for my kids called “Your Other Home” about being bicultural to better help them understand where they come from.  I’d love to share it with others looking for such books, so for subscribing (see link on the right column) to Between Worlds, you can download it for free! (if you’re already a subscriber and would like access, contact me and I’ll make sure you get the info!) I promise I will not do distribute your email addresses or spam you or any other nasty internet scheme.