you don’t know the first thing about tomorrow. Proverbs 27:1 (The Message)
Sometimes I think life would be a whole lot easier if God were more of a cosmic puppeteer who made our choices for us rather than leaving us to all of this unpredictable and overwhelming freedom.
Of course, I’m happy to be in control of the little decisions in life like if to buy ice cream, when to go to bed or which lane to drive on the freeway. But the big decisions – like living with integrity, raising healthy children, thriving relationally, navigating career steps, managing money – they’re freakin’ hard. The answers for these questions don’t always fall clearly at my feet and it sure would be helpful if someone just showed up and said, “Here is the path for your life! Take it!”
Some days, I scour my Bible for the verse that reads:
Thou shalt take the job that is offered to you on August 1, 2014 at 9:03 a.m., live in the brown house with 3 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms on Main Street, buy a 20 gallon aquarium for your son with the next paycheck, and become best friends with the brown-haired lady in the polka-dot shirt who smiles at you in the hallway next week.Instead, I find these words:
The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures; he leads me besides still waters. He restores my soul.Apparently, the Bible speaks more clearly to giving life than to dictating its specific terms. Not all decisions are clear-cut, and sometimes the only thing God promises is to walk with us through them, not to tell us which way to go. My struggle, however, with this promise has often been that I still have to make hard decisions. While God’s presence helps me put one foot in front of the other, it doesn’t tell me exactly what to do. It’s kind of like my dad used to tell me, “Jesus isn’t a band-aid* that we just slap on to fix every little problem.”
Sometimes healing (and decision-making and life-skill building and relationships and parenting and professional expertise and personal awareness) takes time and energy to learn. Sometimes we mess up and realize we don’t know that first thing about tomorrow or how to get there.
This is where wisdom and discernment enter the picture. Years ago, I started a pile of 3×5 cards where I kept all sorts of pieces of life-giving wisdom that I discovered in the process of walking through life. Some came from Bible verses, others from books or quotes. On each card, I’d designate a topic that the words applied to in my life. Themes like courage, insecurity, risk-taking, judgmentalism, and hope began to appear that reflected my life situations. Here are a few examples:
When I reach those moments where God’s presence feels far-away because I’m so overwhelmed by life’s details, I grab my Life-giver cards, find the topics pertinent to the day, and sneak to the back patio (followed invariably by the kids, the dog and the tortoise) to sit with wisdom compiled over the years. Occasionally the kids get too loud or the dog tries to eat the tortoise, but overall, the practice of sitting with wise words – even when chaos surrounds me – keeps me honest, recenters my perspective and calms my anxieties.
These calm-in-the-storm moments are far more than a band-aid… They are a balm, handlebars for life on the days when I feel wildly out-of-control and uncertain about tomorrow. I love that they’re low-tech (no social media connections to distract me), consistent and portable. I love that they’re starting to yellow and show the years because each time I revisit them, I’m reminded of the many timeless truths that have given me so much life.
I’d love to hear from you… What are your handlebars when band-aids fail to heal? How do you walk through life’s big decisions and unknown outcomes with courage and hope?
* As it turns out, my dad was kind of wrong. Jesus is actually a band-aid and you can buy him here…sigh.
** I’d like to also take the opportunity to give a shout-out to Jan Johnson, the author who should receive credit for the cards above referencing fear, community, and anger. If you haven’t read her books, you should.
between worlds 
“Sometimes I think life would be a whole lot easier if God were more of a cosmic puppeteer who made our choices for us rather than leaving us to all of this unpredictable and overwhelming freedom.” – That sentence reminded me how often that’s what I’m waiting on, when in reality I need to move. Of course, it’s also comforting to realize others feel this way, too. 🙂
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I love the quote about the dog eating the tortoise. I literally laughed out loud (*grin*). But that whole sentence is so life-giving. Thank you so much for this post. A fitting in with which to start my day.
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Always good to hear from you Jody. It is good to remind each other we don’t have it all together, we all have days that leave us swirling in frustration, we question what would be best in following God and he remains silent, and days we feel upended like a tree blown over in a violent wind. Thanks for your honesty and continued faith (truly what we can’t see), and realistic outlook on this life. The questions, the solutions, the answers, the non-answers and the pain all make us and take us where we need to go (sometimes kicking and screaming though). Sometimes there is no “wrong” or “right” answer and that can be harder than when things are black and white.
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That’s for sure, Dawn! I think that black/white answers have a definite ease about them even though they’re not always easy to actually make. It’s the inbetween questions-without-answers that leave me most baffled!
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